Stink and the Great Guinea Pig Express

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or, if real, are used fictitiously. This book is not intended as, nor should it be used as, a guide for the proper care of guinea pigs.

  The publisher wishes to express its gratitude to Kathy Anderson and Lyn Zantow for their insightful feedback regarding guinea pig adoption and the proper care of guinea pigs.

  Text copyright © 2008 by Megan McDonald

  Cover and interior illustrations copyright © 2008 by Peter H. Reynolds

  Stink®. Stink is a registered trademark of Candlewick Press, Inc.

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, transmitted, or stored in an information retrieval system in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, taping, and recording, without prior written permission from the publisher.

  First electronic edition 2010

  The Library of Congress has cataloged the hardcover edition as follows:

  McDonald, Megan.

  Stink and the great Guinea Pig Express / Megan McDonald ;

  illustrated by Peter H. Reynolds. — 1st ed.

  p. cm.

  Summary: Stink Moody, friends Webster and Sophie, and Mrs. Birdwistle visit tourist attractions in Virginia as they try to find homes for 101 guinea pigs rescued from a laboratory, although Stink is very reluctant to give away his favorite, Astro.

  ISBN 978-0-7636-2835-2 (hardcover)

  [1. Guinea pigs — Fiction. 2. Animal rescue — Fiction. 3. Automobile travel — Fiction. 4. Virginia — Fiction. 5. Humorous stories.]

  I. Reynolds, Peter, ill. II. Title.

  PZ7.M478419Sst 2008

  [E] — dc22 2007040413

  ISBN 978-0-7636-4234-1 (paperback)

  ISBN 978-0-7636-5191-6 (electronic)

  The illustrations for this book were created digitally.

  Candlewick Press

  99 Dover Street

  Somerville, Massachusetts 02144

  visit us at www.candlewick.com

  CONTENTS

  The Great Wall

  One Hundred and None

  Knock, Knock—Who’s There?

  Squeals on Wheels

  The Guinea Pig Whisperer

  And Then There Were Five

  Virginia Beach or Bust!

  This Little Piggy

  All the Way Home

  Shake!

  Rattle!

  Squeal!

  Stink could hardly see as he carried a Leaning Tower of Cereal Boxes up to Webster’s front door. “Ding-dong,” he called out.

  “Whoa!” said Webster. “C’mon in. Sophie’s here, too. This is going to be the most fun ever.”

  “How many cereal boxes did you collect?” Sophie asked.

  “Umpteen,” said Stink.

  “All I brought was Cheerful O’s,” said Sophie of the Elves. “My dad says they’re heart healthy.”

  “Carrying all these boxes is not heart healthy,” said the out-of-breath Stink. “Why couldn’t we just use sugar cubes?”

  “Stink, we’re building the Great Wall of China! Do you know how long it would take to build a wall out of teeny-tiny cubes?”

  “Well, it took hundreds of years in real life,” said Stink.

  “Ours is only going to take one day,” said Webster.

  Just then, Stink’s giant stack of cereal boxes crashed to the ground. “Somebody sure likes Mood Flakes!” said Webster.

  “My sister, Judy,” said Stink. “They change color when you pour milk on them.”

  “Weird!” said Webster.

  “Interesting,” said Sophie.

  Stink pulled two shiny silver-gray rolls of tape out of his back pockets. “I brought super-sticky duck tape!”

  “In our family, we call it goose tape,” said Sophie. Stink and Webster cracked up. The three friends lined up the cereal boxes in the backyard and goose-taped them together.

  “The Great Wall of Goose Tape!” said Stink. “Did you guys know that you can see the Great Wall from outer space?” He wondered if any aliens or Martians would be able to see the Great Wall of Cereal Boxes when it was done.

  “The real Great Wall is more than two thousand miles long,” said Webster.

  “We have about a thousand miles to go,” said Sophie.

  Webster stood up. His arm was stuck to Sophie. Sophie’s shoe was stuck to Stink. Stink’s shirt was stuck to Webster’s sleeve.

  “Oh, no!” said Sophie. “We’re stuck to each other.”

  “Don’t worry,” said Stink. “Friends should stick together.”

  When they finally got unstuck, Stink looked at the Great Wall. He could not believe his eyes. The Great Wall was moving. The Great Wall was shaking. The Great Wall was quaking. “Look!” he said, pointing.

  “Why is it moving?” asked Webster.

  “Maybe it’s the wind,” said Sophie.

  “Does the wind go wee, wee, wee, wee, wee?” asked Stink.

  All three of them heard the squeaking sound now. Wee, wee, wee, wee, wee. “There it is again!” said Stink. “Something’s inside the Great Wall!”

  “Sounds like a baby bird,” said Sophie.

  “Or a creepy rat,” said Webster.

  Stink and his friends crawled on hands and knees through the grass. Stink peered into an empty box of Mood Flakes at one end. A furry hair ball with dark brown eyes, a wet pink nose, and twitchy whiskers peered back at him.

  “All I found is . . . a guinea pig!” said Stink.

  “I found one, too!” said Sophie.

  “I found one, three!” said Webster.

  “Guinea pig party!” said Sophie, holding up a tricolor guinea pig that looked like it was wearing a wig.

  “Guinea pig palooza,” said Webster, putting a black-and-white guinea pig in his lap.

  “The Great Wall of Guinea Pigs!” said Stink, holding a little fur ball with blue eyes and spiky hair.

  “When did you get three guinea pigs?” Sophie asked Webster.

  “And how come you didn’t tell us?” asked Stink.

  “They’re not mine,” said Webster. “I never saw them before. I don’t know how they got here.”

  “If we were at my house,” said Stink, “I’d say my sister, Judy, was trying to clone guinea pigs again. One time, she put guinea pig hairs in the microwave to make more guinea pigs.”

  “Maybe they escaped from the circus,” said Webster.

  “Maybe they escaped from a mad scientist,” said Sophie.

  “Maybe they’re alien guinea pigs from the planet Squeak,” said Stink.

  “They look like plain old earthlings to me,” said Webster. He ran into his house to get an apple and some broccoli. The hungry guinea pigs munched down the apple in a flash.

  “Eat all the broccoli, too,” urged Webster. “So I won’t have to.”

  “I’m calling mine Astro,” said Stink.

  “I’m calling mine Oreo,” said Webster.

  “We can’t keep them,” said Sophie. “They must belong to somebody.”

  “Yeah — us!” Webster said. “Finders keepers, losers weepers.”

  “Finders stealers, losers weepers,” said Sophie.

  “Let’s take them to Fur & Fangs,” said Stink. “Mrs. Birdwistle will know what we should do.”

  Webster and Sophie put their guinea pigs into a shoe box poked with holes. Stink let Astro ride in his very own shoe box.

  When they got to Fur & Fangs, Stink could not believe his eyes. Or his ears. Cages were toppled every which way. Puppies squealed and parrots squawked. Rabbits raced in circles. And guinea pigs squeaked from every direction, running loose a
ll over the shop.

  “Don’t just stand there,” said Mrs. Birdwistle. “Help me catch them.”

  “Let the Great Guinea Pig Chase begin!” said Stink. Stink, Sophie, and Webster crawled on all fours, cooing in baby talk and coaxing guinea pigs back into their cages with parsley.

  “We’ll find the little hair balls if it takes till next Christmas!” said Webster.

  When all the cages were right side up and all the piggies were safe inside again, Stink told Mrs. Birdwistle about finding three guinea pigs at Webster’s house. “They must be escapees,” he said.

  “I’m not surprised,” said Mrs. Birdwistle. “The latches on the cage doors were broken, and they’ve been running mad all morning. Better help me do a quick count.”

  “. . . ninety-nine, one hundred, one hundred and one!” called Stink.

  “They’re all here!” said Mrs. B. “Including the three that went to see the Great Wall of China.”

  “Are you stocking up for a big blow-out guinea pig sale?” asked Sophie.

  “Heavens, no,” said Mrs. Birdwistle. “I heard about these little critters on the news yesterday. A lab was using the poor things to test shampoo and perfume. They’ve been half starved to death, twenty or more jammed to a cage, and they were living in their own droppings.” She pinched her nose. “Not pretty!”

  “Yuck,” said Webster. “That’s really terrible.”

  “I couldn’t stand to think of the poor little guys taken to a shelter,” said Mrs. B. “If they’re not adopted right away, they get put to sleep. So I marched down there and told Animal Control I’d take all one hundred and one guinea pigs. What in the world was I thinking?”

  “Wow, you’re like a guinea pig superhero,” said Webster.

  “Fantastic Fur Friend to the rescue!” said Stink.

  “I wish I could make some of these guinea pigs disappear. Saving them is one thing. Finding one hundred and one good homes is another.” Mrs. B. pulled some straw from her hair.

  “We’ll help,” said Stink.

  “We can ring doorbells around the neighborhood,” said Webster.

  “Ding-dong, guinea pigs calling,” said Sophie of the Elves.

  “That sounds great,” Mrs. B. said. “For now, I’ll have to keep them in the old camper out back. There’s no room in here, and Mona Lisa the mynah bird is driving them crazy with her guinea pig imitations.”

  “Wee, wee, wee, wee, wee!” squawked Mona Lisa.

  “Wee, wee, wee, wee, wee!” the guinea pigs squeaked back.

  The minute Stink got home, he told Judy about the 101 guinea pigs. “How many do you think Mom and Dad will let me keep?”

  “Zero,” said Judy. “As in one hundred and none.”

  “Not even one?” Stink asked. “There’s this one guy with blue eyes and spiky black hair and —”

  “Hel-lo!” Judy said. “Did you forget about Mouse? Do you really think a guinea pig is going to like living with a cat?”

  Stink did not want to listen. He went to find Mom anyway.

  “A guinea pig?” said Mom. “You already have a furry pet.”

  Stink went to try Dad.

  “A guinea pig?” said Dad. “What is it with you kids and guinea pigs? And what about Toady?”

  “Have you ever tried to cuddle a toad?” Stink asked.

  But it was no use. Astro had just become Astro-NOT.

  Stink and his friends knocked on doors all over Webster’s neighborhood. “How would you like to adopt a guinea pig?” Stink asked at one house, holding up a box full of wiggly piggies.

  “No, thanks. We already have three dogs.”

  They knocked on another door. “They’re really cute,” said Sophie, holding one up.

  “They’re really, really cute!” said Webster.

  “My son has allergies. Animals with fur make him sneeze.”

  They knocked on another door. “Come back when you’re selling Girl Scout cookies!”

  And yet another. “What is it?” one lady asked.

  “A guinea pig,” said Stink.

  “I can’t have pigs in the house,” the lady said.

  “Not an oink-oink pig,” said Stink.

  “A furry pet,” said Webster. “Like a hamster.”

  “Actually, guinea pigs are rodents,” said Stink, holding one up. The guinea pig wiggled his way right out of Stink’s grasp and dropped onto the floor of the lady’s house.

  “A rodent! Get that rat out of my house!” The lady chased the speedy guinea pig around her living room with a broom. Finally, she swept it out the door and Stink scooped it up.

  “Phew, that was a close one,” he said to the guinea pig.

  At the next house, Stink said, “Hi, I’m Stink Moody, and —”

  “Did you say your name is Moody?” asked the old guy at the door. “Didn’t I read about you in the paper? Aren’t you the one with the cat that makes toast?”

  “That’s my sister,” said Stink.

  “Do these little critters make toast, too? I’d like to see that.”

  “I don’t think so,” said Stink.

  “No toast, eh? Thanks anyway,” the man said, shaking his head.

  “Let’s try that apartment building,” said Webster. They rang a bell on the first floor.

  “Guinea pigs, huh? You got any more? I’ll take fifty,” said the guy at the door. He wasn’t wearing a shirt and had a blue tattoo of a cobra on his arm.

  “Really? You will? That’s great! Are you sure?” said Stink.

  “Sure, I’m sure,” said the man, grinning under his hairy mustache.

  Just then, Sophie nudged her friends and pointed to a van in the parking lot. Across the top it said SQUAMATA SERPENTES. SAM THE SNAKE MAN. SNAKES OF ALL SIZES FOR YOUR CLASSROOM OR PARTY.

  “Hey, wait a minute,” said Webster. “You’re that guy who came to school to talk about —”

  “Snakes!” said Stink. “And their habits, like what they eat. Um, sorry, mister, we gotta go.”

  “Yeah, I think maybe my house is on fire!” said Webster, sniffing the air.

  “Good save,” said Sophie as they hurried away from the building.

  “That guy gave me the creeps,” said Webster.

  “He gave me the squirmy-wormies,” said Sophie. “His van should say Squirm-ata Serpentes.” Stink and Webster cracked up.

  The three friends sat down on the curb. “We knocked on fifty million doors and didn’t find a good home for one single fur ball,” said Sophie.

  “Think,” said Stink. “Where would we find a lot of people in one place?”

  “Church!” said Webster.

  “Guinea pigs can’t go to church,” said Stink. “I mean a place people go if they love animals.”

  Webster snapped his fingers. “I got it! The pet cemetery!”

  “Live animals, Webster. We want to make people happy, not sad.”

  “How about the dog park? People there love animals.”

  “Yeah, and dogs love guinea pigs. Pretty soon all the guinea pigs would be in the pet cemetery.”

  Stink thought and thought. Finally, he said, “Time for Operation Guinea Pig!”

  “Uh-oh,” said Sophie.

  “Uh-oh,” said Webster.

  On Saturday morning, Judy asked, “Stink, where are you going?”

  “For your information, I have a job.”

  “A job? Snore pie with yawn sauce!” said Judy.

  “For your information, my job is way NOT-boring.”

  “Is it smelly? You got a job smelling with that nose of yours?”

  “For your information, it is a little smelly. It’s at Fur & Fangs, in the G.P. department.”

  “The Giant Pest department?” Judy asked.

  “For your information, it’s in the Guinea Pig Department.”

  “Why are you so . . . green?”

  “For your information, I’m wearing all green because it’s a guinea pig’s favorite color.”

  “For my information, how much money do
you make?”

  “None,” said Stink.

  “Wait. You mean my little brother, Stink ‘Make-Money’ Moody, took a smelly job at the pest store for no money? What for?”

  “For fun,” said Stink. “Mrs. B. has an old camper behind Fur & Fangs. Webster, Sophie, and I are going to fix it up and turn it into a guinea pig hotel on wheels.”

  “Like the bookmobile at the library?” Judy asked.

  “Yeah, only it’ll be the Piggymobile. We’ll park it in front of the shopping center where there are tons of people and try to get them to adopt guinea pigs. Except for maybe Astro.”

  “Rare!” said Judy. “A mini guinea pig zoo.”

  “The Guinea Pig Express!” said Stink.

  Stink met Sophie and Webster at Fur & Fangs.

  “I brought bungee cords,” said Webster.

  “I brought goose tape,” said Sophie.

  “I brought buckets, sponges, and a three-week supply of jawbreakers,” said Stink. “In case we get hungry.”

  Out back, they unloaded every last guinea pig cage. Then they soaped and scrubbed the camper, inside and out, top to bottom. “Car wash!” yelled Webster, squirting Sophie with the hose.

  “Not my glasses!” said Sophie.

  “You need windshield wipers!” said Stink.

  Inside the camper, Sophie stuffed the cupboards with supplies. Webster filled bins with pine shavings and grass hay. Stink poured pellets into trash cans.

  They lined each cage with pine shavings, then added food dishes and water bottles with sippy tubes. Stink collected rocks for climbing over, while Sophie and Webster made fun hiding places.

  Mrs. B. helped stack cages along one wall inside the camper. There were cages on the counter and one in the sink. There were two under the table and three in the loft. There was even a stack in the shower.

  When all the cages were stacked and bungee-corded into place, the kids plopped down in the booth, tired and hungry. Stink pulled out a fistful of jawbreakers.